California Christmas bonus post #1: Medieval Times

Near the end of our three days with dad and Sue, just before transitioning over to mom's house for the rest of our California visit, we went to the Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament. I know this place has been around for a while, and dad and Sue had gone there once before, but this was my first time. I was expecting a very high cheese factor, and in this regard, I was not disappointed. From the cardboard crowns, to the sequined "medieval" costumes, to the excessive use of fog machines and brightly-colored theatrical lighting in the tournament arena, this was all about the cheese. I enjoyed every minute of it.

Except the Museum of Torture. It's an optional stop during your promenade into the building, before you get to the bars and the vendor area. You have to pay an extra $2 to go in the museum, and you are richly rewarded with an extensive and cheerfully-presented display of some of the countless ways in which humans have inflicted (and continue to inflict) horrifying pain and sufferering upon their fellow humans. Sue opted not to go in, dad and Bryce took a while exploring and seemed very fascinated, and I surprised myself by being pretty freaked-out and zipping through the exhibits hastily, lest I lose the small remaining contents of my stomach. I hadn't expected something so stomach-churning at a place that's geared toward families.

My advice: skip the Museum of Torture, and head straight for one of the bars. If you ask if you may buy a beer that's not in an ugly (five-to-ten-dollar) souvenir goblet or tankard, they'll give it to you in a plastic pint glass coated with holographic images of knights, lords and ladies. It's awesome.

Upon entering the complex, we had been given green cardboard crowns and were told that we would be rooting for the Green Knight. This was our man:


Now, of course the whole thing is staged, and I'm assuming that who will win each night is determined in advance. But what we didn't know was that one of the six knights in the tournament turns out to be the Bad Guy. And I'm happy to say that the bad guy just happened to be our Green Knight. I mean, it's fun to root for the bad guy when it's not real, right?

It turns out that his henchmen are the ones who captured the White Knight in this opening scene. It's hard to make out what's going on here, what with all the fake fog and flashing lights.



Eventually he gets found out, but not before whupping some other knight in this round of swordfighting. We were actually pretty impressed by the sparks that flew when their swords clashed.



We like the way the other knight just throws his sword over his head when he "loses."
"Whoops, it just flew right out of my fingers!"

And I love that the green knight gets surrounded by huge pools of green light when he wins. Because they totally had those kinds of theatrical lighting instruments in the real medieval era. My lighting designer friends told me so.

After the show, we burned off some calories on the bar's dance floor until the DJ called it a night. Eighties dance hits: another of my favorite aspects of the medieval era! The evening turned out to be even more amusing and enjoyable than I had expected.

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Updated on Saturday, October 10th:
Stepmom Sue just sent me photos she took during our visit. These are great.

Me and my awesome cheap plastic pint glass:


Proof of how awesomely we danced:


Seriously, I think that's my new favorite photo. No, really.